The Top 10 TV Nerds Looking for Love

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It’s not easy being a nerd on TV. Being a nerd anywhere can actually be pretty tough, but TV nerds seem to chase girls hopelessly like rabbits going after morning cereal. Why do these nerds look for love in all the wrong places for all the wrong reasons from all the wrong people? Loosen up your pocket protectors and cook up a microwaveable frozen dinner for 1 with a side of tears- here’s The Top 10 TV Nerds Looking for Love.

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10. Screech (Saved by the Bell)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Screech was so asexual for so much of his Saved By The Bell career that it almost makes you wonder if he was interested in any action. I mean, the dude built a robot to keep him company. He’d rather do Zack’s homework than help out one of Bayside’s bimbos. And did Zack and Slater ever invite him to the Kelly party? In all fairness, he did wind up getting with Tori Spelling’s re-occurring nerd role Violet (and then go on to make a real life sex tape) so he doesn’t deserve a higher place on this very lonely list.

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9. Jerri Blank (Strangers with Candy)

 

Jerri Blank didn’t used to be a nerd. Her first time at High School she was pretty hip. She was down with pills, joints, booze, needles, uppers, downers, prostitution and chicken nuggets. Pretty much you’re standard bring home to grandma kind of prom date who somehow got on the wrong path and hit rock bottom. Her second time around, this social outcast can’t make any friends at school despite her excessive efforts to fit in. To make matters worse, she runs around campus like a dog in heat…probably because this high school student is going through menopause. Stuck in the past and can’t score any ass- it’s not easy being Jerri.

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8. Minkus (Boy Meets World)

 

Minkus only survived one season of “Boy Meets World� but he is pretty much the perfect TV nerd. He’s too smart for his own good, alienates himself with his intelligence and doesn’t seem to have any friends or a shot at getting any chicks/relieving the massive Topangoner he was rocking. If this guy would have spent half the time he wasted with homework and semi-evil schemes on picking up chicks, he probably still wouldn’t get any because he looks goofy and would still be annoying every time he opened his mouth. The whole one season thing is adding up quick.

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7. Skippy (Family Ties)

 

If I had a daughter I certainly wouldn’t let her hang around with this guy (nickname of “Skippy� aside). He can pick up her homework in the evening and drop it off before she leaves the next day, but there’s no way I’m letting this stalker into my house. Skippy’s obsession with Mallory is the stuff that missing persons files are made of. I was positive the series finale was going to involve Mallory duct taped in the trunk of Skippy’s car as he drives off a cliff while singing Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up� and hysterically crying. Some nerds want to love, some nerds want to be loved but this one just wanted some creepy obsession. It’s pretty romantic/hot when you think about it.

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6. Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

The ninja turtles had some pretty sweet stuff, and Donatello built all of it. He was the nerd in their posse- responsible for their van, blimp and turtle phones. One thing Donatello couldn’t invent was a date for Saturday night. They had those weird people masks (that Industrial Light and Magic must have designed- seriously the least believable thing in a show about mutant ninja turtles…) so don’t say it’s because he’d have to stay in with his date at the sewer.

 

Erma was all about the turtles, but she was too nerdy even for Donny. Turtles don’t date dogs.

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5. George Michael Bluth (Arrested Development)

 

George Michael Bluth wants to be with his cousin. Nothing would make him happier than some good ol’ fashioned incest, one of many reasons the funniest sitcom ever wasn’t accessible enough for large audiences. Instead, this genius in the classroom (we can forget the one A- he got) gets stuck with Egg- I mean Anne- the plainer than plain young lady who’s easy to overlook and hard on the eyes. If you’re questioning his nerd status, this is the teenager who saves receipts so he can deduct them as business expenses in his latest copy of Quicken.

 

 

His uncle Buster (pictured above/on the left) gets an honorable mention for basically dating his own mother, then dating someone just like her who happens to share the same name.

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4. Chuck Bartowski (Chuck)

 

Chuck Bartowski is the lead role in one of NBC’s new fall releases…as in it’s not out yet. So why does Chuck belong on a list with historic TV nerds? Besides working at a place called “Nerd Herd� of course. NBC launched http://chuckssecret.com recently and it showcases all of the places that Chuck (a fictional character) actually exists online. He has accounts in Digg, Facebook, Flickr, Last.fm and many more that give him an eerily “real� (and decidedly hip to be square) presence on the Internet. The most interesting community he has a membership in? Geek2Geek- an online dating service specifically for lonely nerds. He’s looking for “a fun girl who is into the same geeky things that I am- computers, video games, indy music.� Don’t hold your breath, Chuck.

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3. Dwight Schrute (The Office)

 

Dwight may have hooked up with Angela once or twice (shhh…don’t tell!) but he’s still lonely as hell. Just look at him. Do I need to say more? I’m getting depressed thinking about the kind of activities that go down when he closes the door to his bedroom. I’m guessing it involves action figures, crying and the extended edition of the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy.

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2. Milhouse (The Simpsons)

Lisa Simpsons is one cruel chick. Doesn’t she know Milhouse is nuts for her? Well, she knows but I don’t think she cares. These two would be perfect for each other, if only she would give him a chance. She dated Nelson, the tough big bad bully, but she can’t give nice old Milhouse a shot? That’s real cold, Lisa. Milhouse is the animated version of Paul from the Wonder Years, and decidedly more lonely and pathetic, so he’s on this list and Paul can go take a cold shower. I think one day Milhouse will find the right girl to control his life and boss him around. You’ll never know what you missed out on, Lisa.
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1. Steve Urkel (Family Matters)

 

This nerd might be the nerdiest nerd who ever nerded it up on the small screen. He’s a geek. He’s a dweeb. He’s a pest. He’s the cheese loving next door neighbor to the Winslow family. He’s Steve Urkel- bow down before his excellency. He doesn’t only get to the top of the list for his never ending obsession with Laura Winslow. He doesn’t just get to the top of the list because he actually invented a machine to transform him into a more handsome version of himself (doing the glasses off/hairstyle change makeover bit long before teen movies). Urkel makes it to the top of the list because he actually managed to get smoking hot Myra as a girlfriend.

 

 

Seriously. Urkel was dating Myra once his character took off and male audiences needed to identify with this celibate star. It’s not like he sold out or anything-show me the geek who wouldn’t fall for this babe with a fetish for suspenders and glasses. This isn’t even like Tori Spelling’s nerdy character Screech dated. Myra was just plain old hot and labeled that way on the show. Well done, Urkel. You give hope to us all.