Guide - How to Avoid Working at Your Job

Its monday morning, you got really shitfaced yesterday with your buddies, but now you feel like crap at work. You dont feel like working, and you have no desire to even speak with people. Here are a few way you can save yourself from the dreaded work.

1. Drink and drink more coffee, when you can take it no more, go drink some more. The more you drink, the less shitty you feel and the more you will need to get up and piss. The more you piss, the less work you have to do.
2. If you wear glasses, position your desk where the light from the office hits your glasses where the light highly reflects. Doing this will allow you to have your eyes closed without anyone noticing.
3. When someone walks in to your office, grab a bunch of papers from your desk and scurry out of the office while yelling “Ill be right back!”. Walk around the building for 5 minutes, this way the guy who was gonna make work, will get bored and leave.
4. When asked a status on any project, always answer with “its at 85%” This is a good number because its neither too low, or too high. It tells that person its you’re on track.
5. Wear dark and or preferably, clothing that matches the wall behind you. This way theres more of a chance that people will overlook you as they pass by your office.

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